Me : Time to Move on

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Frankly, I felt like – dumped, betrayed, rejection, avoiding and left so heartbroken!
My relationship seems to be going nowhere! It’s been over 18 months I try to build the relationship with him. And I took so much hope on this relationship that it will be the best and working, I have been adjusting myself to him and on this relationship. We both know that this relationship is never getting into high level, we only a good friend! But I was stupid enough because I’m involved my heart and feeling! I wait too long and think he’s going to change. Well… It’s always complicated with the feeling!
Over 3 months we didn’t seeing each other, there’s always some execute every time we try to meet – but I do fine about that as long as we still communication every day. And here come the time when my emotion getting high. Several days ago I saw him with a girl on my way to the office, I tried to follow/catch his car – like detective :) but I was running late to the office. I ask him and he said I was hallucinating! After that we have never spoken, I try to reach him trough the text, but he never replays all my messages! Did am too bad, so he avoiding me? Did I do screw up?
Should I cut him? YES, I have been cut all the connection with him, on my phone book, whats app, blackberry messages and on Skype. At least I’m not tempted to texting or call him first and is more easier for me to forget him!
The time is here where my decisions based upon my intuition – it’s a perfect time. So many learn I got from his relationship – and it’s time to move on.
Well, it’s really over now. I’ve made decisions that’s is over now. Only me, myself, knowing whether I should break up with him, thought it was so awful, but I felt some peace (although I’m crying now) because finally I can move forward and no longer stuck. Is a right time to take the leap. Why I should chasing something emptiness? Why is taking a long time for me to make those decisions? Let it be my best memories :) Time will heals all wounds…..

Sick and Tired, Bored With Feeling Sick!

fever

I haven’t been doing a very good job of keeping up with this blog lately. I felt that the burden of the jobs and life is over my shoulder. Work has been really busy and my relationship still the same nothing special – always stuck and I felt everything went wrong. The stress/anxiety/depression from being stuck is taking with me – physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s feeling like I’ve been living my life on auto-pilot. Get up, go to work, complain about everything, go to bed, repeat. Yes, I’ve had some good days thrown in there, but I’ve also had some pretty horrible ones, too. Most days, however, feel more like nothing. Like I’m sitting, waiting – for the prospect of one, to be laid off, or to reach my breaking point and I’m trying to make a change!
Am I stressing? Yes…… and my stress makes me sick! Thursday I had a little bit of fever and headache that I ignore – I still went to office like usual, but at the noon the fever and headache getting worse. Yeah for that moment – I felt quite ill, felt so tired and weak. Stayed in bed at night and spent the last 12 hours with painkillers, but it’s not working out. Fever – headache – sore throat. I just want to curl up on the couch, wrapped and surrounded by warmth. Sleep more than I normally do. Turn off my phone and not spoken with anyone on blackberry messenger and MSN. I really need some sleep and some rest. My mother makes me some hot tea and soup but I can’t eat that – I can’t keep food down, it’s felt these foods are too hard to eat.
Yeah feel tired and sick, tired of getting sick and weak! But I feel so pampered because on a normal day – I’m constantly on the go. I give myself permission to go back to the things of childhood – my mother kept me home from school and took care of me. During the day I either curl up in bed on the couch and I watch movies. And I will pick up something very light because I don’t want to think about anything, sleep as much as I can and I fall asleep during the movies and it’s okay.
Bored with feeling sick and hope that’s I’m well soon! And is a time for me to manage my stress and I am still trying to figure out what is wrong with me?
Are stress and sick can make me to hallucinations? Hmmmmm 

My Desire

desire

There is a desire deep in my heart
A living hope provoking me
Run to you, to catch of you
Throwing my arm over your shoulder
Holding your hand extra tight
A burning desire deep in my heart
To play with you
Snatch our lips from the mouth
Let me have your tongue
Your kisses are mine
Your touch is our touch
A deep desire…. The screams are mine
The sex makes us feel closer
Increasing intimacy and the enjoyment
To share my deepest self with you
To share our desires and needs as well
To share the emotional intimacy
Because I love you…… and I want more of you

(picture from Pinterest)

Welcoming September

It’s September – time is changing rapidly and we are not going to stop it. My high point of 2014 so far has nothing so important. Work has been really busy and will bring me in a new management structure (well the same thing happens almost every year) and my relationship still the same nothing special – always stuck and I felt everything went wrong . This year has been a real situation, 2 my best friend has passed away. Fair to say it’s been surreal for me. I can honestly say a lot of pressure around me, I just need a little space to decompress – just to detach from reality and chill. And suddenly for the first time – I thought so many things I have never done since I was young . In that respect it was a bit of a non event – I did go shopping and get some new clothes though.
And here are the other notable things I did for today (I took one day off today) :
- Grab a coffee and enjoy the day

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- Gaming – yeah for some reason I became a gaming addict

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- I have been in photography almost one year (still learning by doing) starting with a pocket camera and now I have this dSLR camera – Fujifilm X-S1, today I cleaned up my camera and collect all the pic on my laptop and update my picture

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- Synchronization – yes, it’s crazy and at the same time its really annoying. I like to have little pics by people names on my contact list – I hate having contact without pictures! So I try to have them in my phone book next to every entry. I have an ever increasing list of people I really want to see, the people I don’t see enough and I wonder did I just know too many people? Some from across country – miles away from me, even those close to me. Well, organizing contacts whilst not really efficient makes me at least feel a bit more organized and tidy 

So lets keep my finger crossed for this month, everything should be better – even many worst thing was happening but there’s always a good thing waiting to happen…..