Build My Defense

wall

Things that’s popping into my mind “will your relationship last a lifetime? Will you and your partner enjoy each other for as long as you both shall live?” – It’s tricky question I guess :). Most of us know that the fairy tale happily ever after stories are full of holes (so does with mine lol……)
Some relationship ending with some errors of judgment – fighting and making up in the end. There’s always ups and downs of maintaining. The relationship itself is difficult and the outcome uncertain. If the relationship is going to work, it will require compromise or sometimes end up in some ways! To be honest – sometimes it’s hard for me to understand the thought & to understand the feeling and to know how I feel. Even when it comes to the feeling I don’t normally put rules on them!
Yeah, sometimes life break me, the relationship or the love life is going nowhere, and the love I felt became broken – betrayed – left and hurting…… nobody can protect me from that (and I swallowed up)! Only myself can protect me. Yes, I have to love and I have to feel the love because it is the reason we’re on earth. I can definitely relate to this. But getting hurts in many times makes me think that I should build the wall so high, that no one could climb it! Yes, I build my defense. My wall will protect me from getting hurt, betrayed, abandoned, or any other negative feeling. And every time I just keep my wall more higher!

Bullying and Ignored at Workplace

ignore

I haven’t blogged much lately, a lot has been going on with my life and certain things have fallen by the wayside. Recently, I have been thinking a lot about life, especially my workplace life. I have spent a lot of time at my workplace – almost 40 hours each week. No wonder office is like home for me. I love my jobs. But sometimes I had problems with being bullied and ignored at work!
There is a time when I was ignored (actually being ignored is more worse than being bully).  They aren’t making eye contact with me in a meeting or in a lunch time, but making eye contact with everyone else. Even they not speak at all to me. It’s felt really hurt, sad, stressed. And makes me think – what’s wrong with me? I always try to be direct and honest, and when I’m saying things about the truth and they don’t want to hear – no need a time they will ignore me.
As I remembered this situation start when I became the last person to find out about the holiday schedule, all co-workers discussing something in an unofficial capacity, but they haven’t asked my opinion. And it goes until today! Being ignored, left out and pushed aside day by day. They will repeat ignoring! It’s sad when people I know become people I knew. The social rules of the workplace are a pretty complicated and life is already complicated too.
Should I resign from my jobs! NOOOOOOOO – I love my jobs and this situation makes me become a strong person. In general, I like who I am and the negative influences in my lives is just as important as the positive ones (I will keep myself protected). I laugh at the people (coworkers) who was bullying and ignore me, and I feel sorry for them at the same time, because one day they will feel the same way too!! The truth will rise to the top and keep shining.
Bullying and ignores happens for many reasons, some people have two faced and disgustingly fake. It is sad that people who are grown act so immaturely in a work environment!

They ignore me now, i know one day they need me :) #unknown quotes

The Smartphones and Multitasking

phone

There’s a habit to attempt to multitask these days, which are kind of silly. I/you can sit in front of the TV but your hand tinkering with an i Pad/smart phones, half see the movies and half you play with it. Yes, I do it! Sometimes when I read some book or watching TV, I multitask – watch and I can’t keep my mind away from my smart phones and of course I miss the best part of the TV show!
And sometimes talking on the phone/texting while driving, checking email, update status on Facebook or Twitter and sometimes multitasking at the dinner table. My smartphones are in my hand before I even know what I’m searching for and never too far from my hand! The phone became the first things I saw in the morning and the last thing I touched just before falling asleep. Some people, maybe was annoyed with the way I used my phones. “Put your phone away while we’re eating!” all the parents always yelling like that to their kids/teenager and I 
Smartphones have made things worse. Yeah, I feel the urge to grab my phone to check social networks, texts, phone calls, or even play a game while I’m in public with friends/parents/coworker (sometimes when I have the meeting).
The internet, smartphones, i Pad or iPhone (what ever device name!) is pretty awesome because we have information on it and connect to the internet. But being multitasking and annoying is really bad. And for the last few days, there’s no browse on my smartphone. The first day is really tough! (The first day, I accidentally left my smartphone in my office ). The temptation of being online to snap the phone is really hard. I can’t check email, checking Twitter, checking the news. And deep in my heart, I was wondering if something interesting was happening anywhere in the world and wondering if anybody was thinking about me and send some IM or BlackBerry Messenger. I change my habit, yes I can. And it’s making me realize that so much work, so many thing I can do while I not distraction with my smart phone. I can finish read some novel, I can enjoy the TV series without miss the best part of it!

39 The Lucky Number :)

Number39

39 is the best number? Yeah for pregnant women 39 is a good week because the baby is waiting for great the world! At 39 weeks the baby is ready to give birth as a new born! 39th week of pregnancy is more important than ever.

I ‘m turn to 39 years old today. Is not a short time! Even I wonder where all the time goes? But it’s just a day I’m absolutely just not looking forward to. I’m getting older and a lot of most things I miss about being younger. I had mixed feeling and I admitted I had not thought about it much until I turn 39th. The body really starts changing and it is a little bit scary. My eyesight is weaker, knees creakier and of course there are hairs growing where I never did before. This hasn’t happened overnight, but yeah turning 39 made aging all seem very real. 

But today, I completely surprised myself that I’m happier than I’ve been at any times in my life. Life goes on, sometimes for the better and life is completely complicated. It’s time for me to begin re-thinking my whole life. And I try to make a bucket list of 39 things I wanted to do before I’m turning to 40th next year (I hope I can do it). The most important is being positive and take things as it comes by!

Live was teaching me a lot of things – about life, love, happiness, sadness, fear, joy, friendship and yeah the list will never end. I’m getting older and there are things that happen almost every day to remind me of the fact that I must be grateful with what I have and the life I have. Thank you God for my life, the health, family and friends.

Officially today is my birthday and I have a feeling it’s going to be the best day. So many simple things I can do today and the most important this question popping into my mind: What does my happiness feel like?